Safe talk ( uncensored) Episode 3

[00:00:00] Brian: welcome back, folks. We still haven't named this show yet. It's this uncensored, unfiltered or something. Something it's in progress. Hopefully by the time you're here listening to this, we will have a name for it. What's up? Whoa. How you doing, man?

[00:00:15] Brian: I'm good, man. I'm

[00:00:17] Walt: excited for this one. I think it's going to be a good show, as always, and I'm

[00:00:22] Brian: looking forward to talking about this one. Yeah, I think we picked a very interesting subject. Our aim for this show is just to , have a safe place to talk about some topics that are a little bit more sensitive.

[00:00:36] Brian: In nature and controversial even, and very opinionated even, and just have a place, a safe place to listen and to, talk about these things and what we're talking about today is code switching. And for those of you who don't know what code switching is, it's the practice of alternating between different languages, dialects,

[00:00:57] Brian: registers within a conversation [00:01:00] or, social context if you get the meaning, right? You one way at home and you one way at work, right? It's kind of the gist of it. Yeah.

[00:01:10] Walt: Yeah. , it could definitely not being authentic.

[00:01:14] Walt: Or it could be in different social settings at work too, that you may act different around a certain group of people at work versus a different subset.

[00:01:29] Brian: Wow. Some interesting examples of code switching. And one of them is switching between formal and informal language. That's a, that's like a big one.

[00:01:39] Brian: Slang, right? Especially I guess everybody has their slang. But in New York .. We have some real serious slang, man. I, definitely can relate to this. And. why this subject was really important to me is because I felt that shift and I felt oh gosh, but [00:02:00] I never felt like it should be that way because the way I taught myself.

[00:02:05] Brian: The definition of integrity was being the same person you are no matter who you're around. So I really aimed for that. You know what I mean? And it's not perfect. Of course I think even in our best cases, we still will regulate this, but I feel like I've gotten to a better place where I'm more authentic.

[00:02:29] Brian: At work and all in my whole life and to the point where my friends know, cause they're like, ah, Brian, you always using the words and that's just a part of who I am, right? Like it's just big on words and definition of the word being, intentional about what you use.

[00:02:47] Brian: So that was real important to me early on. So I, tried to speak less slang. So that I only spoke one way, yeah, of course. When you're with your [00:03:00] friends, right? Slang is easy. Another example if you're from a different country from where you are, you're alternating dialect or accent.

[00:03:09] Brian: Ooh, I have a cousin. She lives in the South now, so it accent is more Southern most of the time, but when she comes to New York, or if she's around her New York fam, her accent shifts back a little bit.

[00:03:22] Brian: You know what I mean? So that's a good example of the altered, altering dialect or accent. Another one is modifying vocabulary. I can, I think that's like the formal and informal language, but okay, adapting your vocabulary to suit the context of the audience. Okay. There's a lot of good ones.

[00:03:42] Brian: Another one is adjusting nonverbal communication. That's big, like body language, right? Like how you would carry yourself if you were not holding the swagness of things and all that. That's a big one. I've noticed that.

[00:03:58] Walt: Yeah. Yeah. And I noticed that [00:04:00] too with like certain people, you have certain looks and you only do that with them.

[00:04:06] Brian: I've seen walks. I've seen people like in a neighborhood, the walk is different. And then you catch them somewhere else. And they're like they're very like, Oh, the walk, like your walk is like, Oh, whoa.

[00:04:15] Brian: Okay. That's a good call out. What is it using by bilingualism or multilingual? Okay. This is a big thing with Spanish folks. And this is controversial because , the Spanish speaking natives will go back and forth in and out of Spanish and English.

[00:04:38] Brian: And if you're at work, that may make people feel uncomfortable. And I've known people that have been like talked to because of that and things like that. I don't speak Spanish that fluently to do it. So I've never been, you know what I mean? But I've been family friends that have gone through that.

[00:04:57] Brian: So I definitely get that. [00:05:00] That's, so that's another version of this, of code switching. And then it was alternating communication style. Directness, oh, aggressive or non aggressive. See, that's another thing I try to like what about you, bro? So far, before we get through this, anything jumping out at you

[00:05:19] Walt: This is just an example you may have a different experience with a certain group of people or you may have a different background, different beliefs, political things.

[00:05:28] Walt: You may know that somebody else at the job may be a little bit different. So you, act different with them. You're more aggressive towards them. You're instead of just being. Trying to be balanced and treat everyone the same. That's like how I feel like you may be alternating your communication style with certain folks like I know people that, you know, that I'm guilty of this in my, especially when I was younger because of that funny.

[00:05:59] Walt: That was in me [00:06:00] that people pleasing the old and I have this way with this this, group of people. And then after another way and try to be more prim and pop proper with other people because I didn't want to see like they say ghetto, I didn't want to see, I didn't want to see ratchet

[00:06:22] Brian: That, that makes me, I'm going to keep it real, right? We, there's a safe place. I'm going to keep it real. That makes me think of male female dynamics, right? When I was learning how to behave at work, I would I was still like being nicer to the pretty girls and you know what I mean?

[00:06:39] Brian: Like she can be nice to her and then and, like immediately coworkers pick up all. Oh, you try. What are you doing? Like they easily pick up on and then you realize oh, wait, that's inappropriate. How obvious I am. You know what I mean? And again, integrity. I use the integrity to like, bring me like my [00:07:00] as my foundation as my true north act the same, no matter who they are, no matter what they look like, no matter how they treat you, you treat them the same.

[00:07:08] Brian: You know what I mean? Have that same energy. Especially at work. And if nobody's breaking your trust and things like that I'm gonna trust you to you. I shouldn't, you know what I mean? So let me treat everybody the same. And, but I, again, I try to apply these rules, like in my whole life, everywhere, throughout everything.

[00:07:25] Brian: I don't know why it's stuck, but integrity. I guess this bothered me. That's what it was like seeing people in my family that would act one way and then another way behind, right? I, that. I did not like that. I did not want that for myself. You know what I mean? Because it was toxic.

[00:07:43] Brian: You'll be honest, right? It's toxic. And I didn't want that for myself early on. I knew at least that and right. I didn't know much. It took me forever to learn everything, but I didn't know much, but I knew that and that's [00:08:00] guided me since. And So this is something I've really been again, this subject that was, it was, it's close to me and and I felt more safe in this environment than any other kind of more exposed to talk about some of this stuff.

[00:08:19] Brian: Another one, and I quote my shifting humor and jokes. That's, a good one too, because sometimes people whoa. Oh, now you all of a sudden you missed the jokester over here, you know what I mean? Like those, dudes, right? It's all good, you and him just chillin or you and her just chillin but all of a sudden you in a crowd, and now they missed the funny and they snappin on everybody.

[00:08:42] Brian: Whoa, who's this? You know what I mean? For what? And I, and that's probably a need for them to feel what are they saying, being mindful of the type of humor and jokes you use, different individuals, groups may vary sense. Exactly, You can't, it's you can't, you gotta be like, you gotta stick with the dad jokes.

[00:08:59] Brian: [00:09:00] You know what I mean? If and even that sometimes be careful. And the last one is modifying clothing or appearance. Sure. But that's that kind of That's,

[00:09:16] Walt: what do you think could be true? It could

[00:09:18] Brian: be true, yeah, but especially, it's matter of fact though.

[00:09:21] Brian: No, like I'm not gonna work, I'm not gonna work with shorts, t-shirt and, slides.

[00:09:30] Walt: Well I don't think it,

[00:09:32] Brian: how do you take it? How do you, yeah, how do you think

[00:09:35] Walt: I take this as you may put on a little bit, put on some airs, like I'll, use this, I'll use this analogy, right?

[00:09:46] Walt: I grew up in church and they say like on Easter Sunday. You bring out your

[00:09:51] Brian: Sunday,

[00:09:51] Brian: Yes, absolutely. Easter Sunday.

[00:09:54] Walt: So like from a work standpoint if the big [00:10:00] boss is coming in this week. You're trying to address to impress, right? And I know you have to take some pride in what you wear to work.

[00:10:09] Walt: You don't want to go to work

[00:10:11] Brian: there's a dress code most places. Yeah, but

[00:10:14] Walt: I think what they're saying is like, when around a certain group. Like when you know you might be working in a different area, you don't really care about how you look, but then when you're around another group of people, you're the, then you want to be like top notch.

[00:10:30] Walt: So I guess that's what it means from a cold switching standpoint, right? Like you're switching up because

[00:10:36] Brian: You're being fake, and I know probably somebody could argue, , it's survival. It's it's, adaptation.

[00:10:44] Walt: It's part of playing the game

[00:10:46] Brian: I feel like there are probably some folks out there that think that this is okay. You know what I mean? It's okay for me to be this one. And. For me, I have a problem with it because I think you can find that [00:11:00] balance throughout your whole life to be this one person that has integrity.

[00:11:06] Brian: You know what I mean? And of course, there's going to be some little modifications here and there of yeah, because when I'm with Some of my best friends and we're just having beers, like it's a different conversation, right?

[00:11:22] Walt: So I'll say for me in an example where it could have been perceived as code switching, right? So I the type of music I listened to, everything, right? But because I worked at this one, Job where certain people looked at you because of who you are. And so for me, I felt like I had to in order to fit in, order to make myself look intelligent, instead of listening to Biggie or whatever in my headphones or whatever, like hip hop, R& B whatever I would throw on Beethoven or Mozart.

[00:11:57] Walt: Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'm just trying to make myself. But

[00:11:59] Brian: [00:12:00] it's not, is it real is the question. Well, I actually

[00:12:03] Walt: do listen to those things, but the reason I did that was

[00:12:08] Brian: because you were intentional with it, really,

[00:12:12] Walt: It

[00:12:12] Walt: was more so because I wasn't being authentic. I feel like being authentic is listening to whatever you want to listen to, right?

[00:12:20] Walt: And not thinking about it oh, and not thinking about it, right? Me, how I consider that was code switching in that moment. I was in my 20s when I did it. I was because somebody made a comment about some type of piece of art. Or whatever. And they asked me, Oh, do you know what this is? And they happen to have classical music playing in their office.

[00:12:39] Walt: And they happen to be of a different societal view than me. Or whatever. And a different race than me. And I remember that feeling of feeling stupid, less than, in that moment. Yeah. And feeling oh, because I didn't know who they were talking about and I didn't know who was the classical [00:13:00] artist or composer.

[00:13:01] Walt: I wouldn't know anything. That was on the radio at the time. And so it was to try to make myself look like I could fit in and be a part of the clique. That's what I did. And that was code switching. Yeah, One on one, one on one of code switching.

[00:13:24] Brian: Yeah it made me, think about how was one of my dreams is to be a CEO that can play Wu Tang from the office, you know what I mean, where that's always been like, okay, I'm going to break these barriers because because unfortunately, a lot of the CEOs that I grew up looking at Were probably more likely to play some classical music in their office than Wu Tang that has since changed and no dig at whatever you listen to, but it's just is what it is right as black and brown [00:14:00] people like it's, been, it's taken a long time to see ourselves in these high positions.

[00:14:08] Brian: I most recently had a brown CEO and approachable and had conversations and had advice and things and recommend. And that was an amazing experience for me. You know what I mean? I finally worked for a CEO that was looked like me, you know what I mean? And it's things like that, that drove my like fire to be authentic that, that motivation to be authentic.

[00:14:39] Brian: Yeah, man. So now we got some of the ways to be more authentic, perfect segue, some of the ways to be more authentic and Walter is going to help us with, run us through these. Yep.

[00:14:50] Walt: So thank you. So first one. The 1st 1 is probably the 1 of the biggest is just know thyself [00:15:00] be comfortable. And another way to put is be comfortable with being you develop a strong, understanding of your values, your strengths, your interests and the key point in here.

[00:15:13] Walt: Is that self awareness? Yes. So you can align your actions with your authentic self. So being self aware and being self aware is knowing that you're not perfect, knowing that you have weaknesses, but acknowledging, not just focusing on those, it's also acknowledging your strengths and, understanding that you're still a work in progress and that it's okay for you to be you.

[00:15:41] Walt: So that's the best part of knowing yourself.

[00:15:45] Brian: It makes me think of you, like how you say you gotta give yourself grace. Make mistakes. Things happen. You gotta give yourself grace. Know thyself, right? Know yourself. It, it sounds easy, but it's tough, man. [00:16:00] Like I used to, struggle with that as well, right?

[00:16:02] Brian: Again, using integrity as the true north, but because I didn't know myself, you know what I mean? And my wife, who at the time was my girlfriend I've known her for a lifetime now. She used to tell me, Oh, you're not even comfortable in your own skin. And I didn't know what that meant.

[00:16:24] Brian: You know what I'm like? She was always eons years beyond my maturity. And I'd be like, what is she talking about? You know what I mean? But eventually I understood. And that's what it is. Knowing myself, being comfortable with yourself and knowing you. And it's okay and giving yourself that grace and knowing that you should listen to Biggie and not Beethoven in that moment. If I want to, if I

[00:16:50] Walt: want to do exactly

[00:16:52] Brian: right, because it's my choice

[00:16:55] Walt: And

[00:16:55] Walt: I, and as long as I'm not bothering anybody else, I shouldn't worry about whether they [00:17:00] don't like it.

[00:17:00] Walt: that genre of music or not. That's right. If I'm not bothering them, it's okay. The next one is being transparent. Otherwise, well, we would say keeping it real. Keeping it 100,

[00:17:13] Brian: keep it 100, keep it. You know what I'm saying? Keep it a no they, say keep it a stack. Now keep it a stack. Yeah. Keep it a stack.

[00:17:20] Brian: Yo. Keep it a stack. So that

[00:17:22] Walt: means sharing your thoughts, your feelings your opinions openly while maintaining that respect and professionalism. And that means communicating authentically without hiding your true. Perspective. So that means you've been, we've been both been in this situation working together at other places or working individually.

[00:17:46] Walt: We shared stories with each other about how somebody would be in our office with us and there'll be chopping it up with us. And I'll be keen and laughing.

[00:17:56] Brian: I was gonna say keen it up. Yep. Yep.

[00:17:58] Walt: Yep. And just [00:18:00] softening, us up and saying, Oh, I agree with you. Oh yes.

[00:18:04] Walt: And then we get into another setting. In front of everybody else in the meeting, it's just here goes the okie doke. Yes. It hits you with the okie doke huh? We were just in our office, my office, and you were saying You were just

[00:18:18] Brian: my, you were my biggest fan 10 seconds ago. What happened now?

[00:18:22] Brian: Yeah. Yeah. And you gotta be careful with that. And, but, ooh, that ties back into Being friends at work, be careful how you approach those relationships, right? That's why I'm so excited about all this, yes, and I think

[00:18:35] Walt: it goes into the next point, too. Yeah I see. It's building genuine, relationships.

[00:18:43] Walt: Not genuine like the RBC, but genuine, right? You know what I'm saying? So it's like fostering connections with your colleagues based on trust. In mutual respect, it means you can [00:19:00] trust your co workers and you have mutual respect for them. , it doesn't say anything in here about having to necessarily like them in every way.

[00:19:10] Walt: True, I like

[00:19:11] Brian: that.

[00:19:13] Walt: And having mutual respect to understand, okay, Hey, I may not agree with some of the things you do outside or some of the things you do in, the office or in your personal life. But I trust that you can do your, damn job. And that you respect me as the person that I am.

[00:19:31] Walt: And for those genuine ones, like that means you invest on getting to know them on a certain level. It says personal level here, but

[00:19:39] Brian: It doesn't mean that you have to go, you see them outside of work. It could just be, Hey, how's Jane and the kids? How's your kids?

[00:19:46] Walt: You guys, it's authentic.

[00:19:47] Walt: It's real, right? You have real concern. It's just not one of those blanket things. Like, how are you and the family?

[00:19:54] Brian: Hey, I got something for the baby. Here you go. You

[00:19:57] Walt: don't want that. You don't want that robotic response. [00:20:00] Yeah you know what I'm saying?

[00:20:03] Brian: So

[00:20:03] Walt: that is about having genuine relationships.

[00:20:07] Walt: And if you have genuine relationships, you're gonna have bumps in the road where you may not agree. You and I have had our our clashes where we're just like, well and we have to come back and realize, Hey, I respect you, I trust you. Yep. This is how we gotta work this out. You know what I'm saying?

[00:20:24] Walt: It what

[00:20:25] Brian: were you gonna say? It made me think about D M X. There's a clip out there of D M X saying, when people show you who they are, trust them. Yeah. Believe him. Believe him. And, as when you approach any relationship, do that. And especially at work cause it's, you want to be very careful about those relationships, make sure it's genuine and that's how you do it.

[00:20:49] Brian: Yeah, man, that's good. I like that.

[00:20:52] Walt: But,

[00:20:52] Walt: the thing about being genuine also yes trust, when they show you who they are, trust that, but also [00:21:00] remember, especially if like you and I. Have known each other for a while. And we have this mutual respect and trust for each other. Like we, we get, we automatically know to give each other grace.

[00:21:14] Walt: There's times I could just be. But just talking your ear off and you're like, okay, well, all right, and you do, I do the same thing with me and I, all right, okay, gotcha. And, it's not that we are disregarding each other. It was just, you gotta sometimes you just won't agree on. Yeah. Okay.

[00:21:31] Brian: Yeah. Yeah. That's the beauty of it. We, well, it's a lot. Not we agree a lot too, but I think we're able to meet each other halfway a lot. You know what I mean? I think we, compromise a lot because it's like, all right, cool. I can live with that. That's cool. Let's go whatever.

[00:21:52] Brian: And that's, yeah, it takes time and it takes and that's the thing. You and I are the perfect example of all this. It took [00:22:00] time as it should have. And then through the year and it took effort on both parts and that's, what it's about. That's what it's about. And then yeah that's a genuine relationship.

[00:22:11] Brian: Exactly. And the point is you can be more authentic in these type of relationships. Yeah. So

[00:22:18] Walt: the next one, express your unique perspective. That means. Give your point of view because every, not everybody thinks the same. Yeah. So you may describe something in a way that, that may register with somebody else.

[00:22:32] Walt: Yes. More, better than I could. I, may sense, I may say something in a way that may be more digestible to somebody else than a way that you could, and that's okay. 'cause that's just our brand. We've spoken that on one of our episodes. Our on it's about payroll, about you being your own brand.

[00:22:50] Walt: Absolutely. That is basically your unique perspective. Yep. You know what I'm saying?

[00:22:56] Brian: That's your own experience, that's your knowledge. But no, I was just saying it's valuable [00:23:00] and

[00:23:04] Walt: the key point in here says unique insights that reflect your authentic self.

[00:23:10] Brian: And thank you for saying that.

[00:23:11] Brian: That's exactly right. So many folks are scared to say just say what it made me think of is this time that I was talking about spam at, work. Oh, I had a coworker that lived in Hawaii. I think she was. I don't know if she was, I forget if she was born or raised, but she was definitely raised there for a while.

[00:23:30] Brian: And Hawaii spam is like the meat of the country. You know what I'm talking about? It's like the national meat, you know what I mean I'm joking, but spam and it's just, they have a thing there with it, right? So it was in that situation is I wasn't afraid to be like, yo, That was my part of because Oh, and then as we were talking about this, some of our other coworkers never had tasted spam and I was just like, you know what, consider yourself [00:24:00] blessed.

[00:24:02] Brian: Because yeah. What I used to spread it and prod it. Yeah, the spreadable the pot at me like people don't people bro I love them sandwiches, but people have never had that and I was like, yo consider yourself blessed man like that's Because it came from a different place, right? I went to have my struggle was different than yours But the point is I wasn't it I wasn't scared to express that unique perspective that I had with spam like spam represented a struggle for me Whereas My, my coworker who grew up on the island just represented home it was like, yes, and it was like, and it's, it was so awesome to connect in different ways and talking to somebody else. They couldn't relate. Cause it was like, bro, I don't even know what that is, man. Y'all ate that. Ooh, gosh. And that's in that and, I did have a beautiful group of people there that time because [00:25:00] we were not afraid to, we all came from different places and we weren't afraid.

[00:25:04] Brian: Like our boss made it. A safe place for us so that has, that's

[00:25:11] Walt: the perfect segue into the next

[00:25:13] Brian: one, man. See, woo, we hit it tonight, baby. Go ahead.

[00:25:17] Walt: Embracing the vulnerability. Yeah. Because you can come from different walks of life, as you just said. And you could have something in common, but have total, totally different perspectives on it.

[00:25:31] Walt: And that's why you need to have, you need to have that openness. I feel another word for all of being vulnerable or having that vulnerability is having openness, right? You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. That's what I think it is. It says, allow yourself to be open and honest about your limitations, mistakes and areas that you need to grow in.

[00:25:53] Walt: This authenticity can foster trust and collaboration with your colleagues. So you [00:26:00] being vulnerable and showing and telling people, showing people that you're human. Hey, I need help too. I'm struggling. I have bad days too. It helps you relate and be like, okay. Ryan's not Superman. He's, just

[00:26:14] Brian: like me.

[00:26:15] Brian: And I tell you what always does it for me is after I had gosh, I've had a child now for 20, almost 20 years. And, again, my wife helped me out with it, right? Like I would get it with teams and they would think I'm a hard ass. This guy's a dick, prick look, damn. Well, I bring my daughter to work or they would, I would have a situation where they see me interact with my daughter and they'll be like, Oh, they would get a whole different perspective of me.

[00:26:46] Brian: And it'd be like, Oh snap. He's a dad. This guy's human. This guy's normal. Oh, snap. He's just trying to run a good department. Actually, he's not a brick [00:27:00] and I found better ways to manage. And again, man, I'm just like I'm proud of myself for being on this journey of authenticity for a while.

[00:27:10] Brian: And

[00:27:14] Walt: and it doesn't matter when you started it, right? Yeah. You, could be, and I gotta get better,

[00:27:18] Brian: sorry. Yep.

[00:27:20] Walt: That's the thing. We're all a work in progress, right? You could be 50 right now, but still be

[00:27:24] Brian: struggling. I ain't, yo, I ain't 50. Yo, I'm not 50, bro. I, didn't,

[00:27:28] Walt: not you, Oh, so the listeners got it 50 right now and still be struggling with being authentic. Now's the time to be walking to that. You could be in your 20s and trying to find yourself. Now's the time to walk into it to that. The sooner you do it, the better. You know what I'm saying? But it's never too late, right?

[00:27:48] Walt: Just like people are, in their 60s, 70s, 80s getting a degree, right? Because it's never too late. Going on to the [00:28:00] next one, we have three more. Be true to your values. Ensure that your actions align with your personal values and principles. Make choices that reflect your authentic self, even when faced with challenging situations.

[00:28:17] Walt: So this, could be the point where you want to maintain integrity, right? You're, you had that natural integrity in you, but you, hold that back or you don't say anything. You don't step up because You don't want to be an outlier. You don't want to be different. You don't want to stand out from the crowd.

[00:28:41] Walt: You just want to, okay, just want to be safe.

[00:28:45] Brian: And this is just true. I was going to say, you helped me with one of these. This makes me think about something you helped me with. I don't know if you remember, but I was struggling with talking about Israel [00:29:00] on payroll in the news. And I was like, Oh, I don't want folks to think it's too political or whatever and, you were like, well, Brian, well, why are you doing?

[00:29:10] Brian: I was like, Oh, man, it's important to me . I got friends and from, Israel, grew up in Queens, like my good friends, Israeli. And he was, you were like, well, then do it. It's important to you. You, connect. This is, you know what I mean? Like it's, true to your value. You know what I mean?

[00:29:25] Brian: So, do it. And I did it. And that, and because you were like, you open I was like, yeah, you're right. No doubt. There's no malicious motivation for this. I just wanted to shout out my people. You know what I mean? So yeah,

[00:29:38] Walt: it's absolutely right, man. So be true to you. This that's be just keep it real with yourself.

[00:29:46] Walt: Yeah. Yeah,

[00:29:47] Brian: but Hey, first one. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:29:51] Walt: If you're not comfortable doing something. That's okay. Yes. Look you need to, let, you need to make that known and basically in [00:30:00] other words, have those boundaries for yourself and

[00:30:03] Brian: others, right? No is a complete sentence. Yes. Yes.

[00:30:09] Walt: Next one, I think is really important because it's not necessarily it will benefit you, but you have, it's an action thing that you have to do that involves other people and that is practicing active listening, practice active listening.

[00:30:30] Walt: But that means. When you want to say something like so sometimes what I do and it's irritated previous partners that I've been with. What? Oh, because they feel like I'm like, they feel like I'm a therapist or something like that.

[00:30:46] Walt: But no, but what I do is I like during conversations, especially tense ones. You take a note. I'll write something down. Yeah I'll write it down because I don't want to people. because their perception is oh, you're trying to analyze me. No, I'm not.

[00:30:59] Walt: [00:31:00] I'm writing down notes because I want you to be able to get all your thoughts out. Say what you got to say. I'm writing because what you're saying is important to me. So I'm writing down what you said, because I want to make sure I have an understanding because I may have questions about something and I don't want to interrupt you.

[00:31:15] Walt: So I'll write down what you're saying. And so for me, that's practicing active listening. It's not always trying to get your point across because there's so many different times where somebody would say something and you'll let up. And you got to, and you want

[00:31:30] Brian: to respond.

[00:31:31] Walt: Yes. Is that what that needs to respond?

[00:31:34] Walt: And it's just okay, hey, let me just wait. Make sure I have an understanding of what they're trying to say. And okay. And ask questions. Well, sometimes we feel like people are coming at us and we're just like, I got to defend my honor.

[00:31:51] Brian: I always, I'm always defensive. Even if I'm not showing it inside,

[00:31:59] Brian: I'm [00:32:00] like, it's ridiculous, bro. My wife is, that was one of the biggest things, man. She's I'm not your enemy, bro. And, I, and that. That was something that had to click in very recently, man. It's always growing folks. We're always growing.

[00:32:18] Walt: This is gonna, this, these things can help you.

[00:32:21] Walt: This is more so we're talking about you in a professional setting, but this can also help you in your personal life as well. So I think it's important whatever, method of active listening is good for you and those around you that you love and that are, that you work with and trust practice that.

[00:32:42] Walt: Practice that because what I do in my relationship may not work for someone else in their relationships.

[00:32:51] Brian: Absolutely. Yeah. And you got it's trial and error too. It makes me think of that, that quote, they have, they say we have two ears and one mouth [00:33:00] because, we should be listening twice as much as we speak.

[00:33:03] Brian: . My mom is a

[00:33:06] Walt: Like she's a woman, she's a woman of God. And so there's a scripture that she always tells me that she always quotes be so to speak, quick to listen, quick to hear.

[00:33:17] Brian: Yes, I love that one too.

[00:33:19] Brian: I just got three examples of active listening because I was like, how do you do that though? So it says maintain eye contact, nodding and usual verbal cues, reflective responses, just three examples. That's all. You probably can get a ton more,

[00:33:34] Walt: yep. The last one is just as huge as the other ones.

[00:33:39] Walt: It's finding your voice, speak up, and assert yourself when necessary.

[00:33:45] Brian: Yes, I like that

[00:33:46] Walt: one. Sometimes people find, and it might be because of childhood things, they feel like they have to say something to chime in, to just to, be a part of the conversation or whatever. [00:34:00] But when necessary, and whether that's on a personal level or professional level, Speak up if you know that something is not right with the process.

[00:34:11] Walt: Speak up. If you feel like the process, if as a payroll professional or a person just in general, you know that something could be done better. Speak up. Yep. Speak up. Communicate your thoughts and ideas with confidence. Yes. You, know what you're talking about. You, especially you've, been in this game for a long time.

[00:34:31] Walt: You and I have, decades or even if you're new, but you're still killing the game. Yeah. Speak with confidence. Speak up and let your thoughts knowing.

[00:34:40] Brian: Look and, look I, have This can be easier said than done for some I have three children, and one of them is very outspoken, and the other two are quiet.

[00:34:53] Brian: And, they have a voice, they don't they just don't choose to use it a lot and use it when it's right, you know what I [00:35:00] mean? And it's tough, I think it's easier said than done, but it's true, even if you're those folks who are quieter and don't speak a lot, you still have to know you just gotta know, hey, oh wait, this is, I have to talk in this situation I have to speak up in this situation know, what was it, when necessary.

[00:35:19] Brian: When necessary, I love those two words there, right? Because it's true. You don't need to speak too much. You don't need to, right? Too much is not enough. It's, no, right? Excuse me. Sometimes my son says a lot. And it's, and I'm, always telling him, yo say less.

[00:35:43] Brian: You know what I'm saying? So he has the voice. So it's and, finding your voice could also mean it. That balance, just because your normal your voice can't be always high and you can't always like always be on 10, right? You gotta find that [00:36:00] balance. Balance is key to life. Balance is key.

[00:36:04] Brian: Finding, so finding your voice is also that as well. Just finding that balance. I find I learned from someone I'm not gonna name drop he's Famous in the music industry. And I had the pleasure of being around them early on. And I don't know about pleasure, but I met him.

[00:36:23] Brian: He was a whatever. But he said he always spoke really softly because he made people, when you speak softly there's a concept that you have to be intentional about listening because you're speaking softly, so the person is like, Whoa, shit, what is he saying? So he, uses that trick.

[00:36:42] Brian: Folks are, you know what I mean? That's his voice though, because he's going to make you. Listen. Yeah. Whereas you too loud, people will blur you out real quick. My wife tells me right all the time. Like I hit a certain tone. We should don't hit me no more. You know what I mean? So [00:37:00] that's it's balance, man.

[00:37:01] Brian: Yeah, that's a good one. Absolutely. So at

[00:37:04] Walt: the end of the day, if you're struggling with being authentic. There's different tools. There's different sources out there. Make sure they're credible, not just some Joe small or James small or who's small on, on social media or the internet, trying to give you bad advice or their opinion.

[00:37:24] Walt: There's, some credible people out there. You can get information from, and you can learn how to, how you get better. Practicing is doing, right? That's how you get better. You just won't magically get better overnight

[00:37:38] Brian: I talk to myself a lot, you know what I mean? And that's work. And out loud sometimes, and I also have conversations with people out loud, right? Like I mock conversation before the conversation, so I can practice what I'm going to say.

[00:37:58] Brian: You know what I mean? [00:38:00] And

[00:38:00] Walt: That's the part of putting it in practice, right? That's a part of doing the work to become better. I have affirmations every day.

[00:38:08] Walt: You know what I'm saying so like whatever you need to in order to become and walk in your true authenticity. Yes. People are gonna respect that. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect. No. No one's perfect. You just have to keep trying to get better, keep treating others with respect, and understand that you have to be vulnerable and open during this process as well, and you'll succeed.

[00:38:32] Walt: Just keep trying.

[00:38:34] Brian: Wonderfully said, man. I, Thank you. You said perfect a few times in this show, because you said you don't have to be perfect, right? Not that to be perfect, but and I've been working on this. I don't know if it's like just a quote or a poem or so.

[00:38:49] Brian: I don't know. But it was like something about love is about the imperfections. Because yes, [00:39:00] who would ever tolerate someone who's perfect, right? Let's think about that. If you were perfect, you'd be annoying. You know what I mean? Cause it's the imperfections that we love about each other. It's the imperfections that you fall in love with about other people and then you gravitate to, other people.

[00:39:20] Brian: It's their vulnerability, right? It's their authenticity. That's what makes the connection. So if it's, there's no such thing as perfection. It's the strive of it. It's the journey to it, the pursuit of it. That is the, that is. It's not the destination. It's the journey we're in. So it's right. There's no rare, there's no perfect man. There's no perfect.

[00:39:46] Walt: Even though I just said perfectly perfect. Perfectly said,

[00:39:49] Brian: perfectly say we're perfect. We're perfect. Perfect. Yeah.

[00:39:54] Walt: Yeah. That's spot on, man. Yeah, folks tell [00:40:00] us if you want to reach out to us and and, just share stories and ask us things that we've done to try to become more authentic with ourselves and other people reach out.

[00:40:13] Walt: We're open books. We'll tell you about our, different struggles from a professional and, even a personal standpoint . So let us know and we'll, connect with you and do what we got to do we're, this is all a process being human is a is a process.

[00:40:33] Brian: Yeah. , sorry, to go back to perfect, but I think practice makes perfect. No practice makes progress. Yes. That's it. Because again, you'd never going to hit that. There's, no such thing. Only when it comes to math, I think it's like when yes, that's a perfect right angle at 90 degrees.

[00:40:53] Brian: That's the only way it, it, applies to me is as an absolute. So anywho, I'm going, I'm [00:41:00] starting a new show already here, guys. No, we're trying to wrap this up, trying to wrap it up and I'm going drifting away. So that's it, man. Yes. That's, a wrap. That's a wrap. Thank you, folks.

[00:41:13] Walt: Don't

[00:41:13] Walt: cold switch.

[00:41:15] Walt: Yeah,

[00:41:16] Brian: keep it real. Keep it a stack. Yes.

[00:41:22] Brian: All right, man. All right. Thanks for joining us, folks. We love you. Peace.